My favourite sari...

Is it possible to have a favourite fabric?

Ever since I was little, my mom has had this sari...it's fire-red, with yellow paisley amoeba dancing around. I have no memory of her ever wearing the sari (it was the 1970's, in Grande Prairie...I think by being brown in Alberta, we were already standing out enough), but remember seeing little flashes of it here and there over the years, whenever she opened up 'the suitcase' (filled with all her Indian treasures: saris, bangles, suits). I believe there might be a picture of her wearing it somewhere in our old albums...but I can't be sure.

Over the years, the contents of 'the suitcase' have dwindled. Suits have been given away, and the treasures have mysteriously been disappearing. Fortunately, at some point in time, I managed to hide away the sari (and its matching blouse...which was always very elusive). My mom never could understand why I wanted to have it...and I'm not really sure why it was so important to me either. I think someday, I hoped to wear them both...and feel what my mom must have been like when she was young, before the years and time changed her. Surely, the person who wore THIS sari must've have been vibrant, and alive. A liver of life. Someone who laughed, danced, and thought that life was fun.

However, I have never tried to fit into the blouse of this sari...possibly because I don't want to know that it doesn't fit.

Instead, today, with the help of Malou, the sari now has a prominent place in my villa here. Just seeing it makes me happy ('happy' is also one of little A's new words...'lu-lu' is always very 'happy'). It is helping to fill my room with a warm light. The sari makes me remember only good things about my mom: her adventurous nature, wanting to move her family to a foreign land, making our family the most important family in her life; her courage, travelling with a 6 year-old, his bike, and me, then just a little over a year, on her own, with limited understanding of English; her love and commitment to my brother and I as we were growing up, always putting our needs ahead of her own.

The sari makes me think of my mom, smile, and feel all the love the I grew up with.